The Author Who Inspired Me to Write About Civility

It is a special experience to find a writer whose work influenced you. You read their book, and there is a groundbreaking concept within it that you intuitively sense will have a significant impact. The writer unveils a vision for humanity's potential to be more effective, individually and interpersonally, and then outlines an actionable way forward that anyone can implement. I was given such a book in 1991 by my father, and its title is "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. Dad had read the book and even hired Stephen Covey to teach the 7 Habits at his then five-year-old consulting firm.

Thirty-three years later, Covey's writing inspired me to publish my first book "The Civil Society Playbook: A Commonsense Plan for a Return to Civility."

Why Stephen R. Covey?

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When Covey published his book, he noted that when working with successful leaders in business and academia, there was a sense of emptiness about them. Why? By the late 1980s and into the 1990s, a premium was put on "Celebrity CEOs," characterized by their business success, innovation, wealth, and, equally important, their personality. In the 21st century, such qualifying figures include Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, and many others. Americans, by and large, accept, embrace, and celebrate the idea of public-facing, personality-driven business, entertainment, and sports leaders.

However, as he uncovered in his research, that was not always the case. In Covey's words:

Almost all literature in the last 150 years or so focused on what could be called the “Character Ethic” as the foundation for success—things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. But shortly after World War I [1914–1918], the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills, and techniques that lubricate the process of human interaction.

To address the "emptiness" he observed in leaders (and society in general), Covey sought to challenge the prevailing narrative of the personality ethic and, through his 7 Habits, motivate society to prioritize the character ethic. The 7 Habits are:

1. Be Proactive

2. Begin with the End in Mind

3. Put First Things First

4. Think Win-Win

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

6. Synergize

7. Sharpen the Saw

What I found compelling about Covey's writing was his approach. He saw a behavioral problem - the shallowness in leaders and human relations overall - that left one empty. He felt people could do better but needed to provide a solution - so he developed the 7 Habits.

Covey's book also proved that there was (and still is) a hunger for an authentic life - one defined by long-term thinking, prioritization of the important things in life, broadening our behavior beyond win/lose, and the value of listening to and understanding others. Covey referred to these as "timeless principles." So true.

As of 2023, his book has sold 40+ million copies, has been translated into 50 languages, and continues to sell.

16 July 2012

When I arrived at work early on Monday, 16 July 2012, I briefly checked the headlines on CNBC, only to learn that Stephen Covey had died, aged 79. As mentioned earlier, my father had given me Covey's book and hired him to teach the 7 Habits at the firm he founded. I immediately emailed dad to share the sad news.

Hi Dad, I'm sure you've heard by now that Stephen R. Covey has passed.  I attached for you a very beautiful press release from FranklinCovey that pays tribute to Covey's life.  I have to be candid - I was really sad when I heard he died.  I think it's because of all the business, management, and marketing books I've read since graduating from university none has stuck with me - not even close - as the The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  You sent me that book in 1991 when I was working at the law firm.

My father's response:

Hi Mike, I am very saddened to learn of the passing of Dr. Covey. I have cited the principles he espoused many times since reading his seminal book over 20 years ago. Twenty years - how is that possible? I remember very well thinking of you when I read the book and hoping that you would enjoy reading the text and embracing the principles as I had. I am delighted that you still have your copy (as I do mine) and continue to refer to it from time to time.

The testimonial that you forwarded [from FranklinCovey] was beautiful and I truly appreciate your sharing it. I had not fully appreciated the full extent of his influence and accomplishments but I certainly am not surprised by them.

The Civil Society Playbook

The world we live in today is very prosperous. We have moved on from COVID-19, and technological advancements continue to accelerate. Yet, we are less happy than we were in previous years, and civility is in decline. The causes include increasing self-centeredness, materialism, and hatred toward religions and select minority groups. Religious service attendance and affiliation, across all major denominations, is accelerating in decline. Moral relativism has become the new norm. The question, then, is, where do people get their understanding of what is right and good?

Society is at a point where it needs a counter-dialogue - one that reminds us of what being a good person involves. As a Millenial friend of mine put it, "Society needs a Playbook."

I have created that playbook to enhance civility. It is my hope that I can inspire people to think of others first, to remember their obligations to family, friends, and others, to stretch themselves to give more of their time, talents, and means to those in need, and to think about how their actions (and inactions) impact others. The Playbook is easy to implement and requires no education, wealth, or special abilities. It simply requires one to see the pain in the world and do something about it. That's it.

So, thank you, Stephen Covey, for the inspiration you provided to me 33 years ago. I hope I can achieve a fraction of the impact you did.

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Michael Benedict published his first book, The Civil Society Playbook: A Commonsense Plan for a Return to Civility, in 2024. His career spans 25+ years in senior-level marketing positions at Fortune 1000 companies, tech startups, and marketing consultancies. His book covers areas of incivility that are not frequently discussed in the media. It offers solutions - actions - that anyone, regardless of age, can implement to improve civility in all aspects of society. He can be reached at michaelbbenedict@gmail.com. The book is available on Amazon, Apple Books, and Audible.