Discover What Unites Us

“Time is running out

Let there be no doubt

We should sort things out

If we care, Like we say we do

Not just empty words

For a week or two

Let’s come together; right now

Oh yeah, In sweet harmony.”

Sweet Harmony, The Beloved, 1995

Society needs to start rediscovering our commonalities. When scanning news updates on social media or watching the news, one feels the exhaustive distress of listening to the latest iteration of political, cultural, religious, and global divides. We are so accustomed to this form of dialogue that we have forgotten what it is like to, well, agree. How did we arrive at this stage?

One should not start by saying it’s the other side. If there is one thing we share in common as a society, it is our personal contribution(s) to divisiveness. How often have we heard, “We can’t invite that family member to the dinner, as they are supporters of Presidential candidate X,” “Members of a certain race are the cause of our problems,” or “If you disagree with me, you’re a _phobe.” It is mind-numbing.

Photo credit: Corwin-connect.com

We’re Too Self-Centered

Much of this manifests itself in the uncontrolled focus on the self — especially on social media. Users spend, on average, 2 hours and 27 minutes daily on social media. That’s about 73 hours a month. Depending on the platform, there are hundreds of millions, if not billions, of users. For the younger Gen Z, it can be difficult to see others with their perfectly portrayed lives and have no context. A thoughtful and reflective Gen Z colleague summed it up beautifully:

“A lot of the problems that Gen Z has with social media, technology usage, gender, and so on tends to go towards a crisis of failing to be on the road to self-actualization (the realization of one’s talents and potentialities), where often Gen Z tends to be lost and uses individualist attachments to ideology, gender, or even brands and influencers as a way to self-actualize.”

The impact of these types of self-identification and what they mean to the individual and those around them is unknown. However, people are exhausted by the self-centeredness and divisiveness in society. What can we do differently to effect change?

Seek Shared Interest

First, we cannot wait for others to act. We have political leaders who say they will heal our country. One human cannot achieve such a feat. We have to take the initiative immediately. What does “to act” mean in this context? When meeting someone new, be open to getting to know them and explore for commonalities.

Some examples of commonalities include:

• Bands and Musicians (alternatively, instruments we play)

• Collecting

• Cooking

• DIY Projects

• Exercise (hiking, gym, biking, CrossFit)

• Gaming (online, video, board)

• Learning Something New (language, photography)

• Movies (genres, specific films)

• Painting

• Reading (genres, authors)

• Sports (tennis, golf, basketball, ultimate frisbee)

• Sports Teams (college, pro)

• Volunteering

• Writing
  

Having common ground with someone makes it easier to initiate and maintain conversations. It provides natural discussion topics, allowing for more meaningful and engaging interactions. Discovering that you have something in common with others can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. It reinforces a sense of identity and validates your interests and values.

Practice Engaged Listening

Second, we must be willing to listen and honestly try to understand another’s point of view — to rise above the immediate labels of political affiliation, religion, race, gender, and all the others. Lord Jonathan Sacks provides a beautiful approach to this idea:

“…a willingness to hear ideas quite different from those that you have heard until now, the courage to take the mindset of those who think that way, the will also to expose your own ideas to critical scrutiny, and not feel threatened thereby, but rather enlarged.”

This essay starts with the song lyrics, “Time is running out, Let there be no doubt, We should sort things out…Let’s come together Right Now.” The song is about making relationships work — no matter the context. When it was released in 1995, it was a hit and fun to dance to. No one would have imagined that the lyrics could apply to societal healing. We need to make a collective effort to heal our society. Do it today. It just takes a willingness to be open to others — find those commonalities, listen to what they have to say, but not necessarily agree with or embrace them), and see where you can grow.

You could have an insightful discussion and make a friend.

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Michael Benedict published his first book, The Civil Society Playbook: A Commonsense Plan for a Return to Civility, in 2024. His career spans 25+ years in senior-level marketing positions at Fortune 1000 companies, tech startups, and marketing consultancies. His book covers areas of incivility that are not frequently discussed in the media. It offers solutions - actions - that anyone, regardless of age, can implement to improve civility in all aspects of society. He can be reached at michaelbbenedict@gmail.com. The book is available on Amazon, Apple Books, and Audible.